Friday, November 30, 2007
He CAN stand up without having to pull himself up, he doesn't realize it yet. He did it once a couple weeks ago in the bathtub. I was shocked to say the least, he must have been too because he's not done it since. At least I know he can when he wants to!
My big boy is really getting big today. He thought daddy was home from work so he just casually walked up to the front door and proceeded to unlock the deadbolt. Ok, the deadbolt itself isn't the issue, the fact that he did it without having to climb up on something is! LOL I don't know where this height has come from. I'm going to have to figure out a way to see how tall he is now. He was only 35" at his 2 yr appt. Or was it 33"? Darn, I'm going to have to look back. I do remember he was not 3 feet tall yet and Joshy was over 2 foot so they were both 2 foot some inches.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
For quite awhile now, I've been pretty miserable and couldn't put my finger on what the exact problem was. I'm on an antidepressant but while I feel "normal" it's not helping me get out of the funk. The funk is something that needs changing, not medication I guessed.So here is the problem as I see it. There is just too much crap going on at once with both me and JIm and this is a huge problem for me. I'm in a way, a perfectionist. I don't bother to do things half assed, if it's gotta be half assed then I won't bother because I'll just have to do it "right" the second time around. KWIM? But everything right now is half assed because it has to be. I don't have the option to just not do it, I'm stuck with everything and I can not handle it. I don't have appropriate support and in order to get even poor support I have to work for it.
I'm not taking care of my house, I don't have the energy mentally or physically.
I'm not doing my homework so my grades in school are suffering. I'll be lucky to pass my math class with a C- and that is coming from an A student! But I'm having problems and don't have the time or energy to put into what I need to. My mom watches the kids but she has car problems (as in lack of a car) so I have to drive 3 hrs a week to pick her up bring her here then take her home and come home myself. What a pain in the ass when my mother in law lives 10 mins away and I can't rely on her to visit much less to be there when I need her!
I'm not being the best mom I can be, I don't have the mental or physical energy to do ANYTHING but sleep and sit around while the kids play. I lose my temper too quickly or I don't react at all. It's bad when you don't have the energy to react!!!
I'm not a wife in any sense of the word. I don't have the energy to support DH in any way other than to let him do what he needs to and then watch as the kids and I are neglected. I get mad and well I'm not very wifely.
So while I'm not doing all these things I'm watching my husband work a full time job, take 12 credits plus two part time jobs and then come home on the weekends and clean the house and do the laundry that piles up. I don't know how in the hell he manages it other than he lets me and the kids fall by the wayside and doesn't take care of his chores like cutting the grass, getting the trash out of the house much less to the curb, doing the snow removal etc..... He loves me and the boys, there just isn't enough time in a day to give us what we all need in addition to everything else he does!
Jim graduates with his BS in May and then will start his Masters program. I'm going to let him do that, finish all that up, get himself situated with his education and then subsequent increase in income while I take care of my house, my kids and him as well have letting my babies get a little older and less needy (as in infant stages) and then when I've got at least a couple in school, be it preschool or grade school, then I will go back and finish up my education.
I need to be a SAHM in all sense of the words. I can't keep doing it half assed and it's hard work dammit! I need the energy and time to do it. And I need the support to go back to school, I need my husband at home with the boys when I'm in class or watching them while I!!! do homework and not have to care for them and try to do homework at the same time.
All this stress of doing nothing right and getting nothing done the way I want it done is destroying me and my health and it's gotta stop.
I talked to Jim about it tonight, it took all of 2 seconds to explain myself and he was 100% supportive of it. I think he's tired of doing the housework and watching me let him without batting an eye. So after I am done with this current semester, I'm done for probably 3-4yrs.